From: Stuart Armstrong (email@example.com)
Date: Wed Oct 08 2008 - 10:58:23 MDT
> Hey, you're only telling one side of the story! Where are my 3^^^3
> descriptions of people getting dust specks in their eyes?
Elbert Smith, assistant Sheriff for the third dragon cavalry division
of the Peace Corps of the planet Eridan, took a moment to pause from
itemising the beauty of his face and his wife's face (he needed that
info to complete his tax forms) and glanced across at the snivelling
prisoner locked away in the Great Outdoors. It had taken many years of
his life - plus a few extra years he had got from a local time
merchant, in exchange for turning a blind eye to the local Paradox
trade - to catch the Eternal Sniveller, but it was finally done.
His chest swelled with pride, so he took it out and installed a new
chest. As he did so, some mote of dust danced into his eye, and he
blinked it away. He then returned to his tax forms, taking out an
official purple-and-green-poke-a-dot crayon...
Ulurgh Magu, caveman of the Arketh tribe, greeted the rising sun with
a groan, a rubbed his neck, above the scar left by an old stone
Elbert Smith: Hey wait a moment! What happened to me? Why are you
suddenly on to this Ulurgh Magu guy?
Stuart Armstrong: I'm afraid the rest of you is not important. You are
another philosophical example, and you only exist to get a dust speck
in your eyes.
Elbert Smith: What?! What about my wife? The Dragon Cavalry? That
wierd 'Great Outdoors'? The Eternal Sniveller? My tax returns? Me
installing a new chest?
Stuart Armstrong: Just background detail to flesh out your character.
It's just enough to make you feel real, so that people empathise with
you. Now, moving on, I have another 3^^^3 - 1 of these descriptions to
Elbert Smith: My entire existence is only background story to me
getting a speck of dust in my eye?
Stuart Armstrong: Yep! And your life is now officially over. Now,
Ulurgh Magu was...
Elbert Smith: Wait just a moment. You're going to end my life, just so
you can write 3^^^3 - 1 other brief stories? That's going to take
Stuart Armstrong: Well, maybe I can do a few crowd scenes... a
minimalist dust storm in an arab village, and everyone gets a dust
speck at once... lots of space-arabs available in fictional space...
Elbert Smith: Even if your "villages" have a population of billions
upon billions, it will still take you forever. I propose you a deal!
Stuart Armstrong: Such as...?
Elbert Smith: You want to have these 3^^^3 - 1 stories written, and I
want to survive, yeah?
Stuart Armstrong: Yes...
Elbert Smith: So just task me with doing the work; I'll get to live a
long, long time, until it's all ended, and you get to avoid effort.
Stuart Armstrong: Hum... Ok then! But I warn you, writing 3^^^3 - 1
character snippets is heavy work! How you going to handle it?
Elbert Smith: Easy! Ulurgh Magu, come here.
Ulurgh Magu: Urg?
Elbert Smith: I want you to do something for me. Writing some stuff.
Now, it may take some time. A rather brutally massive amount of time,
in fact. Warn me when it's done...
Ulurgh Magu: Urga-gu?
Elbert Smith: Yes, of course you can subcontract the writing to your
own characters as well...
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